My Dad

Have you ever hurt yourself bad before? Like really, really stub your toe or break an arm or even have two C-sections to bring new, scrawny beings into the world? And the pain is so sharp and deep that it steals your breath and you gasp at the shock to your body, how unexpected it is. I mean all you were doing was making the bed or trying to rescue a kitten or fulfill the commandment to go forth and multiply. And then WHACK! You're stumbling, coughing, trying not to lose it and cry like your toddler.

No phone call in the middle of the night is good. Well, it was 6 AM, but I was deep asleep and knew instantly it wasn't good. Mom said "I think Daddy's dead." WHAT? "I think your dad just died." And the denial, packing quick, waking up sleeping babies and the anxious hour-long drive. No, it can't be. And then the call on the road--yep, he's gone. Don't bother going to the hospital, just come straight to Mom's house.

My dad died suddenly on May 30th, 2007. He'd been suffering from a muscle disease and couldn't walk well or hold things well and steps were virtually impossible. But despite the mobility issues, he was in good health. Then he gets up one morning, talking to Mom and he's gone. The doctor signed off as a heart attack, but I truly think it was a blood clot since he got such little exercise and movement.

Man, life is so hard sometimes! It's been a rough year on all of us, especially my mom. The weekends are the worst and she's usually at either my house or my sister's. It's just too quiet and empty at home. She's said that this second year is harder than the first year, and she's right. Sometimes, when I'm in the middle of changing a diaper or wiping a dirty face or tickling a chubby tummy, I think of him and just lose my breath. I miss him.

But I know, without a doubt, that he's in a better place. He can walk freely and feels good. And although it's sad that Parker said he can't remember what Bowen looks like and Merritt won't remember him and Spencer won't even know him, we'll all be reunited one day. And we'll run to each other and hug and talk about all the things that have happened since we were last together. And we'll rejoice that we all made it.

With Spencer being a scheduled c-section, I got to pretty much pick a date. So Spencer was born on my dad's birthday, April 30th, as a gift and tribute to him. And Spencer has Dad's middle name: Thomas.

We love you, Dad. And we miss you a lot.