Family Reunion

Parker's spring break was a few weeks ago--yipee. One of the empty, long days of mayhem, I took my monkeys to visit their relatives (which side, I wonder?) at the zoo. Good times, good times. Actual friends accompanied us, so it really was a bit of fun--three moms and 10 kids, with 4 restrained in strollers, of course. We have a zoo membership, which is awesome 'cause we can see a few animals, whine that we're thirsty and complain that we're tired of walking and then leave, saving the other creatures for another visit. I'm taking an online photography class and this outing was a perfect opportunity to practice and see what all I don't know. Here's the documented evidence, in case you're interested.

This one's too dark--I thought I lightened it? (Parker, Dallin, Ava, Merritt and Miller)

She's on the right animal--sweet princess appearance with the bite of a croc.

Spencer's intent on chaos--must restrain him quickly! And why is Parker showing off his water? Yes, I do hydrate them occasionally.

And this guy was posing, so I had to oblige with a shot. Wonder where his horn is?

And the boring artistic shots--I need to learn how to prettify them in Photoshop or something.

Ooh, bokeh.

I love this statue in the Garden of Peace--sure could use that spot of green in my yard. I think I'd have to camp out in it though. (The garden, not the statue.)

Pretty flowers!

Bunny Magic

Since Easter this year was the same Sunday as General Conference and we stay home to listen to/watch/snooze through it online, there really wasn't a Sunday for the monkeys to wear their Easter garb. I dressed the boys in their shirts the Sunday before Easter but was too lazy to iron Merritt's dress that day so she wore her dress the Sunday after Easter. (Thanks, Mom, for ironing that horrible beast!) I was determined to take pictures since I don't know if Merritt will ever wear the dress again--it's the wrinkle monster from heck. The boys aren't in their official Easter shirts, but it's really all about the pretty dresses anyway, right? And this is as good as it got of Boy #2--he's definitely two.

Now I'm not a horrible mom--I do document some of the events in my monkeys' lives.

On Second Oink

No, I did not subject the entire world to my ill children this weekend. We missed the Primary Program anyway and just hung out at home. Parker is at school today, though; it was his field trip to the pumpkin farm. And HRH Merr WILL be going to school tomorrow. I don't know what I'm going to do with her...

Watch this:

Oinked Too Soon

Parker and Spence had the cough but no fever, Merr had the fever but no cough. Took Spence and Merr to the doc today--we had to restrain HRH to obtain a nose swab--and we're all partakers of the pork plague! Merr's fever was mostly Monday and Tuesday so it's too late now for Tamiflu. Park and Jay went to school/work Tues and today. They should really stay home tomorrow but hey, they've already exposed everyone and Parker's got a field trip to see Beauty and the Beast (He gags every time he hears the name: "Gross, Mom!") that I paid $10 for, so just Merr's missing school. The Primary program (church program where the kids sing the songs they've learned all year and say something they've learned in class) is on Sunday so maybe we'll just go to that, infect everyone, and then skip out on the rest of church for the day. Jay's had a bit of a cough and sore throat and I've just had the sore throat. I looked at all of our noses closely and none have become porcine and no one's oinking. Yet.

Headed Straight For It

Hell, that is. And I'm the one on the pink Razor.

A few weeks ago I just stopped putting diapers on HRH. She doesn't like being inconvenienced and protested a bit, but I'm wise to her ways. She knows when she needs to pee and did just fine in panties, even at night. (Was it Chantal or Suzie that hates the word "panties"? Panties, panties, panties. he he he.) We've tried every form of 3-year old currency there is--paint her toenails, wear new Tinkerbell jammies, lose a toy (she just brings me one when she's dirty), my disappointment ("Cry, Mommy"), new panties, throwing panties away, but nothing's working for #2. She WILL NOT poop in the potty. We were downright sick (yuck-o!) of her poopy diapers but I don't think poopy panties are any better. She knows the consequences yet still decides to poop in her panties. Her excuse: "It's too hard." She just doesn't want to sit there that long and would rather just move herself while she plays. Our current deterrent for pooping in her panties, at least for now, is a cold shower. She hates them and I don't think they're working but it sure makes me feel better. "Yes, it's cold. Why is it cold? Because you pooped in your panties. If you'd poop in the potty, it'd be warm. No, I'm not done. Here's more cold water for you." Yep, I'm evil. And that's why I'm on that pink Razor.

(I just wrote panties 11 times.)

From the Trenches

I've been "commanded" by an unnamed in-law to update my blog 'cause she's tired at looking at my 5 AM Reflections. Uh, sorry, but my life is really just a repeat of those occurrences over and over and over and... So as follows:

-After 8-9 (depending on who's counting) ear infections from October to late February, #3 got tubes in late March. I'm asked "Oh, he must feel so much better; does he act different?" Um, no, but he wasn't really a grumpy baby before. As long as he was well-fed and snuggled, he was content. My secret hope was his horrible night-time sleeping habits were due to earaches and this would be corrected with tubes. No. Unfortunately, his bad sleeping habits were due to babyness on his part and exhaustion/laziness on our part and I get to correct them. Now. At the ripe old age 1-year old on the 30th of this month. And with the freedom of weaning looming.

-Leading to: I haven't had more than 4-5 hours straight of sleep in well over a year (middle of the night pee breaks included). College friends who are familiar with my love of and addiction to sleep, naps, dozing and rest in general will be quite amused. Go ahead and laugh, I'll wait.

-On Tuesday, my only day of partial freedom (where #1 & #2 are in school/preschool for about 2 hours at the same time) this week, since somehow #2's Methodist preschool was closed on Good Friday (I thought only Catholics did that.) and I'd have no partial freedom then, I was messed over by the Fates. We're running late, SURPRISE, since Her Royal Highness Princess didn't want THAT shirt, no to THOSE panties, no to the potty, no, no, no, NO! Preschool starts at 9:30; we leave the house at 9:30. Tick, tick, tick into my "alone" time, or as alone as I get with #3 around. Zipping along in our oh-so-zippy Ford minivan (see next point) I turn left, left, left and then before my right HRH Princess starts crying, "Mommy, Spen-suh fwew up. Mommy!" So I whip into a gas station, grab a wet wipe to dab his chin and hop out. Tick, tick, tick. Yank open the door only to find that Mount Vesuvius has erupted all over my son in his car seat! Clearly 1 little wet wipe is hopeless against these ruins. With much less zip we return home. HRH waits in the van, wanting no part of cleanup duties. First I unbuckle #3 and sit him on the ground. Unknown matter is all over his coat, his shirt, onesie, pants, socks and shoes. It attaches itself to my coat and shirt and a large puddle remains in his carseat. Tick, tick, tick. I carry in the carseat and leave it for later, carry him in and strip him, throw my coat and shirt onto the stinky, sticky pile and toss him in the tub. Quick wash (damnit, I forgot the cotton balls and vaseline to protect his new tubes!) and dry him. Try and dress him while he whines and licks/gnaws on my bra--Not Now, Spencer! New shirt, new jacket for me and we're out the door. HRH Princess goes in #1's seat, #3 goes in her seat and I toss in a random booster saved for whenever #1 gains weight and hits 40 pounds-he can use it for today. We're now off, again, and HRH Princess gets to preschool at 10:30, only an hour late. I get a bit before I pick up #1 at 11:36 at kindergarten so I go shopping for ME.

-About a month or so ago, yet another quirk revealed itself in our lovely Ford minivan. I was turning right to enter the minivan caravan for HRH's preschool, late obviously, and obediently blinking right. When I straightened up, I was blinking left. Huh? I didn't notice until after I dump off HRH and I can't get it to stop blinking left. Scratch head again. After a fiddle or two with the lever it cuts off. Zip, zip, zip along. Next time, I turn left and keep blinking left. A few fiddles won't fix it and then Ford started beeping at me that I've left the blinker on. Uh, Duh, I know it's on! It won't turn off! I almost break off the lever and it still won't stop blinking left. I turn right and it blinks both ways. I push my flashers button and the right blinker turns off but the left blinker is eternal, along with the beep, beep, beep. Good thing I'm only running errands all morning. After 3-4 days of the beloved quirk, it stops as suddenly and mysteriously as it appeared. At least, until today. We go to my mom's, an hour away, and Jay drives. Lefty starts blinking about 10 minutes before we get there, Jay fumes and I laugh. "Dear, you've left the blinker on." He he he. I get to drive home and blinky left joined when I started the van. Yeah! I missed you while we hunted eggs and ate chocolate. I drove all the way home, 70 miles, with my left blinking at me and Ford beeping me: DUMmy, DUMmy, DUMmy, you're blinker's on. So the next time you're driving down the interstate and sneer at the stupid driver who forgot to turn off his blinker, think of me and give him the benefit of the doubt. He could be stuck in his own little hell with a broken blinker and a beeping car.

Just keeping it real.

5 AM Reflections

-Why does a child always sneak into my bed, snuggle down in the covers and fall asleep, all before barfing all over everyone and everything in a 5-feet radius?
-Which is the better job: changing the bed, blankets and throwing a load in the washer OR stripping and bathing a crying post-puke child, trying to keep her quiet so the baby won't wake up?
-Do you go back to sleep at 5:45 AM for just an hour and a half, or just forget it and stay up?
-Is shaking the barf bits from my sheets in the dark on my deck, all while in my undies of course, obscene, risque or just pathetic?
-How early is too early for an early bedtime for barfers and whiners?

My current perfume, a gift from Jay, is Calvin Klein's Euphoria. Because, as you know, my life is utterly euphoric. Jay knows me so well.

A Good Day

Shopping with a good friend,
Lunch at a favorite spot,
Beautiful 72 degree weather,
Sunny skies,
Joyful offspring,
A nap,
Yard play with kiddies in the sun,
Chocolate chip pancakes for dinnner,
Batheing my babes--all in the tub together,
Snuggles, giggles, big hugs and slobbery kisses.

I want to take a deep breath, drink it all in and keep it close. Wishing to stop time's march won't keep them small forever, but I'll keep wishing all the same.

Heaven for Today

Jay--some weird rash under/beside his left eye, sore back and stiff neck from wrestling and snow sports with Parker, back at work and glad of the break from home

Parker--stir-crazy after a week of no school and being snowed in

Merr--runny nose and whiny attitude, "I want to play in the snow too; the snow's too cold; I can't walk in the snow; carry me; my nose is running; waaa."

Spencer--snotty nose with a dried, green booger stuck on the end that he won't let me clean off, ouchy diaper rash, probably 2 ear infections and a grumpy attitude

Me--mastitis (considering myself lucky--it's the 1st time ever and with 3 kids!), sinus headache/infection maybe, stiff neck from lack of sleep, stir-crazy from being snowed in with three monkeys

And ya know what? I wouldn't change anything, except maybe the runny noses and boob troubles. I sure love me some crazy monkeys!

Random Brain Clutter

1. Don't underestimate the determination of a 3-year old with a monstrous sweet tooth (hint-notice the icing or lack thereof):

2. I've decided to read what I want from now on. I CAN return a book I haven't finished and even stop reading one I don't like. Life's too short to read depressing, sad books, which is too often what's chosen in my book club. TV's full of either cop shows full of dead bodies and horrible, icky crimes (Is the world truly full of such demented, twisted people?) or doctor shows where the patients, ill with some exciting disease and never bunions or hemorrhoids, take a far back back-seat to the steamy looks and slobbery kisses exchanged over their bodies. I know the highest acclaimed and well written books are full of pain, agony and sadness but I don't want to always live it through them. What's wrong with a happy ending? I read for escape and I sure don't want to escape to Sophie's Choice or A Thousand Splendid Suns. Any suggestions for good books with happy endings? Mormon fiction is just too cheesy for me and I'm bored with cooking, gardening and parenting books...

3. Isn't this the most beautiful little boy you've ever seen? He's 9-months on Friday and growing way too fast. I could eat him up, and do gnaw on his cheeks on occasion.

3. I ain't no Facebooker. A few peeps have inquired and that just ain't my scene, baby. :) First of all, I hated high school; why would I want to find people I have no care to see/talk to again in this lifetime? Although, I am interested to see how fat and bald they are and their ugly kids. Jess, can I borrow your login for some harmless stalking? Second, I was not even the closest to cool back at ol' Bryan Station (hence my hatred for the experience) and so in rebellion, I eschew anything that hints of popularity. You say that everyone is reading Twlight? Then I shall not. The whole planet, minus a few tribes in the Amazon, has seen Titanic? I am a tribe of one. Everyone is on facebook? Well, not meee! Instead, I stalk friend links on friends of friends' blogs to find people I'm interested in catching up on and just read. Totally anonymous and no one I have to "friend" or send a flower to or write in their yearbook or some such something or other.

4. Twin snot trails and red eyes on a cute, sick baby are still cute, no matter what you say.

5. Say no to crack, even on pretty little girls. (New Years at our friends', the Clarks.)

That's enough for now, I guess. I still have intentions of putting up Holiday pictures and such. We'll see if those intentions last.

I Love the Nightlife, I love to Boogie!

Legal Disclaimer: All events hereby described are true and somewhat accurate. Actual time may be varied due to the psychotic state of the observant/participant, but the events are real. (Dum dum dum)

First, a little background: Jay is currently taking two classes for his MBA with only one more next semester to finish and it's online! Reasons for the MBA: 1. Classes are free to employees of the University and 2. Being a student delays paying student loans. Win, win!

So last night Jay's working on a paper in our basement until the wee hours of the morning. I'm good and turn off the light at 11:48 PM. Spencer fuses at 12:40, but I'm determined to have a good night's sleep before Christmas, dang it! I practice tough-love here on out. I stick in the paci, further crying, more paci stuffing and then quiet. Jay, aka Mr. Softie, can't stand the fussing so he turns off the monitor in the basement in order to not hear my cruelty. I go to bed. Sleep...then Spence fussing; "No, you will not be nursed! You're not hungry!" Shove the paci, grind my teeth and get in bed. Between 12:40 and 4ish, I'm up 4 times reacquainting him with his pacifier. Argh!

By the 4th time, Parker was awake and climbing in bed with me. "Where's Daddy? My tummy feels funny, like I'm hungry but not really hungry." "Yeah, whatever. Go to sleep." And Merritt joined up somewhere in here, too. I don't care, just lay there quiet so I can sleep, people! Turn over, more teeth gnashing and blanket tugging.

Then gag, gag, gag. Gag. Bleeeech! "Mommy!" Bleech, bleechhhh. "It won't stop." I jump up, try and turn on the light. Poor Merr's sitting there beside him, thinking "Yucky." I try to buzz Jay through the phone--no answer. "Parker, just keep barfing on the blankets; don't get up! Keep it on the sheets." Jaaaaay!

Jay had been taking an hour-long nap, so he's comatose and not much help at first. Parker's moved to the bathroom and stripped, Merritt's put back in her bed and I strip our bed. Jay, in his undies at 5 AM, is unwilling to go outsite to shake out the blankets. "That stuff won't shake off." "Yeah, but all the bits will be all over my washer and I'll have to pick them all out." "Just wash 'em, I'll pick out the bits." Yeah, right. Is it wrong to just throw away the blanket and sheets and get new ones? I hate picking barf bits out of my washer.

Parker's waiting for a shower and Jay starts shaving--at 5 AM! "I'm already up. Might as well shave before a shower." So they shower, Parker's dressed and put back in his bed. Jay works more on his paper, I think, and then comes to bed, maybe? By this point details are hazy.

Luckily, Spencer sleeps through all the chaos! Hooray! But as Parker whines a bit and climbs into bed, the monster stirs. Argh! It's 5 AM, my tough-love is broken and I nurse him. Merritt and Parker wind up in our bed, again, and Jay leaves for work somewhere around 10:30.

Moral of the story: when your child says his/her tummy hurts, don't just think it's gas or they need to poop. Merr taught us this on Sunday, 5 minutes before we might possibly been on time for church. Bleech! Believe them and move them immediately to a facility safe for hosing down.

How did you sleep last night?


Oh, and our recent family photos can be viewed at my Flickr site on the right, over there---->. And trust me, these were the best of the lot. Why do I have to include my kids in my family photos? Merr, especially, was not feeling it. Have a peek, if you wish, and get a gander at my new 'do. Funny, it looks similar to all of my other 'dos.

Bah Humbug

So here's my Weekend Update, except it's not really the weekend and it's more of a random list from my noggin'.

1. All 3 monkeys are on antibiotics. The older two for no real reason (wack-o doctor) and Spencer for his third ear infection in his right ear. Poor guy.

2. At above doctor's visit, she found a tick in Parker's ear. Well, not really a tick but some other dead bug. A few months ago we'd been at Michael's and he'd started whining and fussing--not new--and slapping his ear--new. Said there was a bug in there scratching. I didn't see anything so I just dribbled some water in there and called it a day. Guess there really was a bug in his ear. So Jay took him to an ENT to get it out with some special thing-a-ma-jig and Parker's so proud of his jar with the dead bug that was in his ear for a month or more. I'm such a good mom!

3. Merritt's potty train still hasn't left the station! I thought I'd try the brilliant idea of throwing a toy in the "trash" every time she peeped (Parker's logical word, since we say pooPed, too) or pooped in her diaper/pull-up/whatever. She has clearly won this war since it became a game for her. Periodically throughout the day she'll casually bring me a toy to put in the "trash" and then continue on her merry way.

4. How come blog surfing (aka finding blogs of random people you knew way, way back linked on other people's blog and you just HAVE to read every single one of their posts to see if their kids are as cute as yours or if they've gained as much weight as you) can literally suck up your whole day? I mean, I'm just innocently clicky clicking and my raving beasts are either gnawing on my limbs or beating each other over a red crayon. Give me my comatose-blog/Internet-addiction time, people!

5. Why must I include my offspring in my yearly Christmas traditions? I'm trying diligently to start and keep a little advent thing going so Parker and Merr will stop thinking that Christmas is about Santa coming and bringing you everything your greedy heart desires. Each night I read a story from an advent book Jessica (my much older sister) made me years ago (skip the song; takes too long), read a story from the basket of Christmas storybooks (put away every January so they don't get sick of the books throughout the year) and then read a scripture and put a piece of our foam nativity scene together. During this time, meant to be warm and loving, kindling true feelings of the Savior in our hearts, Spencer's either fussing or yacking, Merritt and Parker are fighting over who gets to put on the foam piece and who gets to pick the book and who gets to sit on which side of me. Do you realize how peaceful, quiet (alright, and boring and pointless) it would be if my monkeys were put in bed first? It's the season of peace and love for your fellowman, so hug your brother/sister or you're in trouble!

6. Lastly, why must my children put on their best brat personas every year at this time? They know they're supposed to be good for goodness sake, but who cares? Santa comes anyway and I want this and this and this and gimme gimme and waaaa! I wish I had a nickle for every time Parker says "I wish I didn't have such a mean mommy." or "I want a new mommy." Truly warms my heart.

And since my adoring fans are clamoring for a glimpse of my new looks, I'll post a photo just as soon as we get them from the photographer. Taking pictures with your kids, now that's a post for another time. Thank goodness it's only once a year.